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Spoiled? My Child?

It’s a common scene – you’re in a supermarket as an eyewitness to this scenario: a child is throwing a temper tantrum because his mother won’t let him have the object of his desire, whatever that might be. The mother is obviously embarrassed but she hands him what he wants anyway, just to put an end to this scene.

Call it what you want – spoiled, indulged, entitled, out-of-control – these are the children who want what they want when they want it – and they will yell, scream and cry until they get it! Unfortunately in the “real world,” this isn’t how it works. You don’t always get what you want and it’s the parents’ job to teach their children how to live in the real world.

Here are some guidelines you can use to reel a spoiled child back in or to keep one from creating that scene in the first place:

• Set limits with your children. Children feel more secure when the rules don’t change every day.

• Be a good role model. Remember, there are lots of other people out there who can influence your children and their choices.

• Spoiled kids aren’t born, they’re made. Acknowledge your faults and try to figure out why you need to get them the latest style clothing or the new video game on the day it hits the shelves. Did you grow up wanting and never getting? Did you always wear your sister’s hand-me-downs? Were you the poorest among your wealthier peers?

• You don’t owe your children explanations for saying “No!” Children will try to wear you down by repeating their want over and over. A simple, “No, and that’s the end of the discussion,” is the only reason you need to give. Who is in charge anyway?

• You cannot buy a child’s love with material things, but you can surely lose their respect if you try to. Find non-material ways to show and receive love – see a movie, plan a picnic, read a book, snuggle together on the sofa. Quality time devoted to your children, especially if you have a job outside the home, is far better than any thing!

• Don’t feel guilty. You primary role is to prepare your children to live in the world, safe and secure, without you, working hard for what they want and not expecting it from anyone other than themselves.

It’s not easy to do the right thing all the time. Sometimes it’s easier to say, “Yes,” just so you don’t have to listen to the crying, whining and temper tantrums. When you feel that way… just picture your 30-year-old “kid” acting like that with his boss or co-worker. Not a very pleasant scene now, is it?